The Valley

This week we very suddenly experienced the loss of my last living great-grandmother. Today we held visitation and today I fell apart. Everytime I saw another family member whom I hadn't seen in awhile I broke down again. Today has been wonderful and terrible at the same time. We're all together to celebrate Priscilla's life and that is wonderful, but she is gone from us and that is terrible. And yet, she is now enjoying the Healing that Heaven brings and that is WONDERFUL.

Our 8yo daughter is doing pretty well, she is old enough to understand death and the possibilities that exist beyond our final breath... but not so much our 5 1/2 yo son. He took one look at the casket and was MAD! He said, "She's dead?! She isn't coming back, is she?!", all with a tone of voice that cried she-can't-do-that! He wants to know why the hospital didn't save her. He wants her back. Our littlest one is mostly unaware of the change that has occurred... last time we visited Mama, A gave her the cutest little kiss on the cheek. It's a beautiful picture in my mind, I only wish I had a photograph too.

A funny story- the kids never could pronounce her late second husband's last name- Keynon- so they always called her Mama Kingdom. It was adorable. Ellie painted a good-bye picture for her that is being displayed on her great-great-grandmother's casket and will be buried with her. That makes me weep also but in a I'm-so-grateful-that-my-kids-got-to-know-her-too sort of way.

Go with God... we love you Mama.

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
3 He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
4 Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,*
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.
5 You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the LORD
forever.

Nostalgia is so cliché

I used to think people exaggerated when they said things like "They grow so fast!" or "Time flies when you're having fun!".

Then I became a mother.

Since then life has been full of ups and down, tears and laughter, new life and death, beginnings and endings. The common thread in the last 8+ years has been how quickly time has marched on. The cycle of pregnancy and nursing, sometimes both at the same time, has ended. Audrey weaned earlier this month- so for the first time since May 2000 I am not pregnant and/or nursing. All told, I was pregnant for 118 weeks and 6 days and I nursed the three kids for a combined 83 months.

It feels odd to leave the season of infancy/toddlerhood behind. Now instead of frequent nursing sessions and diaper changes interrupting 'big kid activities', I set up art supplies for all three kids or I make a place for all three kids to cut out cookies. Sometimes the fact that my oldest child is in 2nd grade just hits me up side the head like a 2x4. How can this be? I watch my middle child, my son, building a Sodor paradise with train tracks, constructing a house of Lego blocks, connecting Hot Wheels tracks and slowly— ever so slowly— learning to communicate his frustration with life in new and better ways. My youngest speaks in full sentences, sometimes bowling me over with the adult-like phrases that cross her lips. Her life revolves around doing whatever her older siblings are doing.

I leave for a day of prenatal appointments and my youngest child's little voice joins in the calls of "Good-bye mom!" that sometimes resonates with the unspoken "and don't let the door hit you on your way out".

Right now my heart is full to overflowing... God has answered prayers and blessed us immensely. Though we are facing uncertainties in regards to job security, the economy and my MIL's mental/physical health... well, right now it just falls away while my heart sings praises to the One that heals my heart when it broken and blesses me beyond any measure.

Flux

The word flux always takes me back to Back in Future, it's a flux capacitor!

Seriously though, my life is in a flux right now. I'm finding less time to do things that I used to prioritize while other things have moved near the top of my list.

One of the big changes, is that in the last few months not only has my oldest potty trained but she also weaned. For the first time in almost 9 years I am not pregnant, breastfeeding and/or changing diapers. It feels weird, like the end of an era. Which I guess it is unless we get a surprise sometime down the road.

My prayer for an apprenticeship has been answered so now I shall be quite busy keeping up with all the appointments, births, meetings and homeschooling the kiddos.

I have to publically thank my family. Many times I have crawled out of bed at 2am while murmuring a goodbye to my hubby. Quite a few times my mom has dropped what she was doing during the day to come watch the kiddos until dh arrived home from work. On occasion, my dad or my brother delivered lunch.

Thank you for believing in me... I couldn't do it without your wonderful support.


I don't know how much blogging I will be doing in the coming months, but I imagine I will still pop in to post now and then. If you are interested in my birth-y posts, check out my other blog.

Happy New Year all!

Home again

This morning was an exciting morning... not because of Black Friday. At 4:30 am, while my parents gathered at Stout Field with many other excited family members of our brave men, I got the call to assist at a birth (which btw, has not happened yet... the momma is waiting for labor to kick back in after prom with a posterior babe).

I am ever so thankful that my soldier brother is back home again, in Indiana. After a few days of decompression, he'll be able to come home. Then we shall wine and dine. :)

Home... what a great place to be, whether giving birth or returning from war.

Turkey Day

We had our first dinner tonight with the in-laws and tomorrow we are having an unconventional Thanksgiving dinner of homemade pizza with my family... we are delaying our turkey dinner until my soldier brother returns home from Iraq, hopefully in a week or so.

We have much to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving!